I profess, my grammar isn’t what it once was.
The evolution of technology has made me horribly lazy and I often chuck my hands at the keyboard and type words such as, “disapuynedv”, hit Spell Check and hope for the best..
Plus I couldn’t tell you what the flip a conjunctive or determiner is without the aid of trusty Google.
But this doesn’t mean I don’t care – because the fact is, grammar, or more specifically, punctuation, is in a poor old state these days and I feel a sense of injustice about it all. I’m sad for all the literary greats of the past and fearful that Mini B is growing up in a generation where it’s ok to abandon full-stops, capitals, spelling and replace any form of sensical communication with a series of acronyms amounting to Morse code for WHATEVER, I DON’T CARE, WHAT’S GRAMMAR ANYWAY INNIT?!..
My husband nicknamed me the ‘Apostrophe Police’ many moons ago because I shudder as I walk past billboards where not only have they put the apostrophe in the wrong place, they haven’t even bothered adding one at all – I’m bemused that “DONT", “IM” and “CANT” have somehow been allowed to become words – do people actually read those aloud as they’re spelt and form a whole new language for themselves (the language of LAZY people)? Shame on the bigwig corporations who must employ at least 100 people to sign-off an ad campaign and yet not one of them notices that it’s been written by someone who took English lessons from a goat. A goat that lives in China.
And don’t get me started on the “your” (you’re) debacle. Gah. I cry inside when a compardre chucks this juggernaut of a misspelling into a friendly conversation. If I was ever on the dating scene again (I may well be if Mr B has to endure any more of my grammar rants) and I met a Keanu Reeves double, with a heart of gold, pots of cash, sense of humour to rival Kristen Wiig and copious other plus points, one text from him saying, “Your mine” would likely send me running to the ego-bashing of Tinder, resigned to a life of spinsterhood with a harem of cats.
Hmm, d’you think I can award myself a nifty uniform and badge if I officially found The Apostrophe Police? Any recruits out there?...
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