I’m going to whisper this in case too many activist-mummy-types are reading with their 10 year olds strapped to them in a sling whilst they chant them to sleep.
I didn't enjoy breastfeeding.
No, hang on, that’s not even true.
It’s not that I didn’t enjoy it so much as that I REALLY hated it doing it in front of people.
Before the breastfeeding brigade start dusting off their riot placards in protest that I wasn’t made to feel comfortable feeding in public, halt your bra-straps right there.
Everywhere I seemed to look there were breastfeeding support lines, groups, cafes – log onto Twitter or Facebook and you’ll find some kind of boob-related baby story. We should all be celebrating our mamahood and that means we should all get our boobs out anywhere we bloody well feel like it or so help you, we’ll come at you with our manic hormonal wrath and hit you over the head with a breast pump.
I went to an all-girl’s school, I don’t consider myself a prude and my oldest, closest friends have had to witness me in various states of undress. I just cared enough to not want to make eye contact with strangers whilst trying to attach Mini B to my boob with one hand and juggle a hot choc in the other.
I wanted to feed Mini B in the privacy of my own home where I felt comfortable stripping off in front of Frasier re-runs. I felt better in public when I chucked a muslim over my boobs or one of those handy giant aprons (life savers), I just felt weird when fellow mums whom I barely knew flopped their nipples out in front of me and I was expected to applaud/reciprocate in some way.
It’s a controversial topic I grant thee and one I haven’t put out there before but the fact is people, this is how I felt and it peed off that there are soo many people to champion breastfeeding in public and call their local MP on speed-dial the second anyone dares glare at them in the wrong way whilst they proudly whap them out in the middle of Tesco’s - I just felt riled that these mums are so vocal on the topic that they think they represent the views of all mums. Because you know what mums, even if I am the only one with this outlandish way of thinking, you haven’t got my bag, I’m not one of the gang! My boobs were on loan to Mini B temporarily but they shall remain mine in private!
Whether you choose to breastfeed or not is a whole other debate…I opted to but also praise those mums who go down the formula route and shame on you who judge otherwise. When I did have to switch to formula after four months because I was lucky enough to have a baby that liked sleeping more than eating, all support lines stopped. There was no number to call to discuss how you work out formula measurements or that minefield that is the best way to heat it up quickly in the middle of the night or how long you can leave it stashed in your nappy bag - nada...
So there we are..I shall sit back and await the mum shouting!...